Coping With Cancer

Category: ‘Managing Emotions’

Emotions As Weather Patterns

February 8, 2013 Posted by Dawn

I was just reading a blog post by Mervyn D’Souza, who is a mindfulness coach and practices ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) like I do. I liked this blog post called Treating Thoughts and Feelings Like Weather Patterns. In this article, he talks about another type of therapy called Morita Therapy, and how Morita therapists, like ACT therapists, are taught to “treat their feelings and thoughts like inner weather patterns.” He says, “Instead of constantly trying to control the internal weather, students are encouraged to just notice mindfully the different patterns of thoughts and feelings arising and falling.”

I think this is a great strategy for people dealing with cancer. I know what it’s like…when you’re going through treatment, your mood tends to shift a lot. If we spend a lot of time trying to make sadness, anger, or fear go away, we could end up spending all of our time trying to fight off these feelings. However, we can treat feelings like weather patterns just coming and going, and spend less time “fighting.” Being sad, angry or scared is not fun…I get that. But if we become willing to have these feelings temporarily and not fight them off (which tends to not work at all or at least not very well), they tend to stick around for less time.

When I was going through treatment, I had some bouts of depression. I spent a lot of time trying to fight off the depression and make it go away. My counselor helped me to change my relationship to it. When I became depressed, I would stop trying to fight it off, which didn’t work anyway, and just became willing to have it (EVEN THOUGH I really didn’t like it). I would notice it, like an internal weather pattern (“Sure is cloudy today.”) and try to take care of myself as best I could in that moment. What tended to happen is that my mood would lift, in my estimation, much sooner than it would if I wasn’t willing to make room for it. The other benefit was that I felt less like I was fighting all the time. There was a certain kind of release, a relaxation of sorts. Not a giving up, but more a giving in to what needed to happen in the moment. I needed to lean into the pain, turn inward, lie on the couch for a while, and wait out the storm.

I know this is not a very popular idea…to be willing to have difficult feelings. We all want to feel better, now. But the research is showing that strategies such as the ones taught by ACT and Morita therapy are very effective in many ways, for many problems. I know for me it changed how I related to difficult feelings, including depression.

Like what you see in this blog? Sign up for my newsletter! In addition to getting the article before it posts on the blog, you will also get inspirational quotes, self-care tips, and information about services and upcoming events. Just fill in your name and email in the green box at the top right of this page to receive the “Coping With Cancer” eNewsletter every other week, as well as a free eWorkbook, “10 Ways to Make Cancer Suck Less.”

Photo Credit: Chris Breeze via flickr

Read full article |4 Comments
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer
Categories: Managing Emotions, Mindset Shifts

It’s Alright to Cry

January 28, 2013 Posted by Dawn

Remember that song, “It’s Alright to Cry” from Free to Be You and Me back in the 70s? It went like this: “It’s alright to cry…crying gets the sad out of you. It’s alright to cry…it might make you feel better.” (The football player, Rosie Grier, sang it.) I remember hearing that song when I was younger. It sounds so simplistic, and it’s so true. Especially when it comes to cancer.

It is normal to have feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and confusion after you’ve had a cancer diagnosis. If you find yourself often crying or emotional, there is nothing wrong with you…you are not crazy. You are not broken. There is no need to feel guilty that you are having these feelings. Allowing yourself to have these feelings is not going to hurt you. In fact giving yourself permission to experience and express your feelings can be healthy and empowering.

It’s unfortunate that we have all these myths about crying…we receive certain messages from our culture about crying or expressing feelings in general. The messages say that crying means you’re weak, unstable, over-dramatic, too sensitive, out of control, having a “pity party,” or you’re being too “negative,” a big baby, or just feeling sorry for yourself.

In actuality, there are many reasons people cry. People cry when they’re sad, angry, scared, moved, happy/joyful, confused, feeling something deeply, frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious, regretful, or experiencing something of beauty, to name a few. So we have all these perfectly sound reasons for crying, yet we still have these myths that hang around our culture that can get in the way.

A lot of the time, crying makes us feel better and more relaxed afterward. Current research shows that 88.8 percent of people feel better after crying, with only 8.4 percent feeling worse. Tears are a release valve for feelings and can help us cleanse or purge pent-up emotions. Tears contain stress hormones that accumulate in the body, which get excreted from the body through crying. Tears stimulate natural painkillers and ‘feel good’ hormones called endorphins. These cause our heart rate to lower and our biological and emotional states to become more peaceful. After crying our mood can be lifted and we can better deal with painful situations, think more clearly and problem-solve better.

Expressing our feelings helps to move the emotion through our body. When we fight our feelings, they tend to hang around longer than they need to. Ask yourself how you feel about shedding tears or expressing your feelings in general. Do you try to avoid or fight off difficult feelings? Try to distract yourself? Do you judge yourself or others for crying or expressing feelings? I’m not suggesting we go around crying just for the sake of it, but I am suggesting we give ourselves permission to cry when we need to, and not judge ourselves for our tears.

Read full article |2 Comments
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer, Support of cancer
Categories: Coping, Managing Emotions

Down Dooby Doo Down Down

January 13, 2013 Posted by Dawn

When writing the title of this article, I was thinking about this Garfield comic strip that my friend and I used to quote back in the 80s. Remember Garfield, the cat? This one is a 3-frame comic strip and he’s lying flat on his face in all three frames. You can check it out here. In the first, he says, “I am down. Down, down, down, down, down.” In the second, he says, “Down, down, down, dooby doo down, down.” In the third he says, “Comma comma down dooby doo down, down.” He’s referencing, of course, the 1962 Neil Sedaka hit, Breaking Up is Hard to Do. I just always thought that was such a riot, and apparently I’m not alone…it appears it was one of the favorites of Jim Davis (Garfield’s creator) as well.

Garfield looks about as down and out as a guy (or a cat) can look, and yet he has some humor about it. I like that. My friend and I, who were into Garfield back then, would use that line if we were having a bad day. It would go like this: “How ya doing?” “Well, I’m feelin’ kinda down. Down dooby doo…down down.” We would say it with dramatic effect too. Helped to not take the bad mood so seriously. Helped us remember it would come and it would go.

Sometimes when I was going through cancer treatment and feeling yucky, I could add some humor to my day, and sometimes I couldn’t. If you can, great. If you can’t that’s OK too. Sometimes you’re just having one of those days. You know the ones I’m talking about…you just want all the cancer stuff to go away. You’re tired, probably even exhausted; treatment is, well…kicking your butt, and you’re just down. Down, down, down. People try to cheer you up, but it’s just not happening. You just can’t “be positive,” and that’s that.

I’m here to tell you that it’s OK to just let yourself have a “down” day. What you do to take care of yourself when you have a down day is important. I know for me, a good cry sometimes helps. In fact, it can be healthy and empowering to give yourself permission to have a good cry. Current research shows that 88.8 percent of people feel better after crying, with only 8.4 percent feeling worse. Crying is a release valve for our feelings and stress hormones get excreted from the body through crying. If crying is something that you can do, don’t judge yourself for it…embrace it. Lots of myths exist about crying…that it means you’re weak among other things. I’m of the opinion that they couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m a “crier” myself, and I know that I’m a pretty darn strong person as are many people I know who cry fairly easily. (I realize that crying is not easy for some people, and that’s OK too.)

My friend Kendall Scott, Holistic Health Coach and author of Kicking Cancer in the Kitchen, and I are doing a workshop next Saturday (Jan 19th) called, It’s OK to Eat Chocolate and Cry! (which is the name of one of the chapters in her book). I’ll talk about the benefits of crying and she’ll talk about the benefits of eating raw, unprocessed dark chocolate. (For when you’re having one of those days…and she’s making healthy chocolate bark for people to taste too.) So if you live in the southern Maine area, join us on the 19th at the Cancer Community Center in South Portland for some yummy goodness. And it’s free to attend! Just register here.

As for the those down days, they will come and they will go. When you have them, please remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you. It is normal to be sad and angry and scared given what you are going through. You are not weak, you are normal. You are facing more than you should have to face. Give yourself a break. I know how it works…I’ve been there. You have a good cry, you eat some chocolate, and then the next day you get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.

Photo Credit: JD Hancock via flickr

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Support of cancer
Categories: Coping, Managing Emotions, Mindset Shifts

Using Creativity to Cope With Cancer

November 30, 2012 Posted by Dawn

Many people who have been diagnosed with cancer have used creative activities of various sorts to help them cope. When I worked at the Cancer Community Center years ago, we had an art show one year where we displayed the work created by cancer survivors. We had drawings, sculpture, paintings, photography, and writing among many other things.

I had taken a class with a friend of mine who is an amazingly talented jeweler (and cancer survivor) and created a pendant with the hair I lost from chemotherapy. (I had saved some locks at the time, not knowing what they would be for!) I wrapped the hair with wire and attached it to a piece of sea glass. Something about that process was healing. I was creating something new out of something that had been painful.

Another woman had kept her mediport and worked it into a multi-media painting. Some people painted or sculpted images of their bodies and body parts. Some wrote about the experience in the medical system. Beside each piece there was an “artist statement” posted. The artist was invited to write a paragraph or two about what the piece meant to them. These were so powerful to read and many who attended were very moved by both the pieces and the statements.

I know for some people, music or dance has helped them to get through difficult moments. Some people create something to express their feelings and sort through emotions or to describe their experiences, while other people utilize someone else’s creations to cope with their own experience. In other words, some create or play music while others listen. Some make art, while others view it. Both sides of the equation can be healing.

Aside from expressing feelings and describing experiences, sometimes creative activities can also just help ease anxiety and tension, help us to calm down and relax. We’re talking about creativity here, not “art” in the way we traditionally think of it. This kind of creativity does not have to produce a “beautiful” product; it just serves you or helps you in some way.

This is a great time in your life to think about what kinds of creative activities you engaged in as a child or teen…what helped you express yourself or helped you relax. I enjoyed collecting rocks from outside and painting them to resemble different creatures. I liked to sculpt things out of play-doh. I liked to make things out of paper. As an adult I have created collages that served this purpose. I kept this one collage where I wrote on pieces of paper about how angry I was about something. I just wrote and wrote until I felt like it was all out of me, sort of like a journal entry. Then I ripped up the paper (which was therapeutic in and of itself) and pasted it to a piece of board. It felt very therapeutic.

Even if you don’t feel like the “artistic type,” remembering the creative activities you did as a child or teen can give you clues to things that will help you to express your feelings and describe your experiences, or simply to feel calmer and more centered during your cancer journey.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, holidays and cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer, Support of cancer
Categories: Coping, Managing Emotions

“You Have to Let Me Be Scared”

November 2, 2012 Posted by Dawn

I watch a TV show on NBC called Parenthood. The newest storyline for one of the main characters, Kristina, is a breast cancer diagnosis. Once I saw a glimpse of her getting a mammogram on one of the episodes, I knew what I was in for. I have read other blog posts and heard other cancer survivors’ opinions about this storyline, and we all seemed to feel the same way…we hoped that the writers would handle this storyline well. We hoped they would make it realistic.

Well, it seems they have done a good job so far. At the end of one recent episode, Kristina’s character said to her husband, “You have to let me be scared.” (Her husband had been trying to keep her upbeat and positive at all times.)

I thought that was a key line. Something that most cancer survivors have wanted to say to their loved ones at one point or another. We sometimes want people to please just let us have our feelings because it’s exhausting to try to force them away every moment (and doesn’t work in the long run).

It got me thinking about how often people try to talk us out of our feelings, and how frustrating that can be. And about how much courage it takes to ask/tell someone what we need…but I think we need to.

Our loved ones don’t know what to say. They don’t want to see us suffering and they want to fix it. Sometimes we need to let people know that they can just be there for us without trying to change or fix it. We might think they should already know this, but the truth is they don’t. So, the way I see it, it’s either continue to be angry and frustrated with them, or let them know what we need.

On the Parenthood Facebook page, people commented on Kristina’s line “You have to let me be scared.” One person, a loved one of someone with cancer, said, “It opened my mind and heart” to hear those words. Interesting how, with this one sentence and a short explanation, this character was able to let her husband know what she needed and thus ward off lots of hard feelings and probably future fights.

I know it’s only a TV show, but I think it could be a conversation starter for lots of people. I can picture other people affected by cancer taking Kristina’s lead and saying that to their loved ones, and maybe their loved ones’ minds and hearts opening up.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer, Support of cancer
Categories: Managing Emotions, Mindset Shifts

Anger and Cancer, Part 2: Anger & Assertiveness

October 19, 2012 Posted by Dawn

In the first article on this topic, (Anger and Cancer, Part 1: Constructive Anger), I talked about how there are many things for people affected by cancer to be angry about…lack of understanding from others, insensitive things people say to us, other people’s “stuff” that comes to the surface, and all the losses from cancer, for example.

How people experience and express anger varies greatly. Some people cry when they’re angry, which helps the emotion wash through and lose its intensity. Other people yell, and while yelling can be harmful when directed toward others, I have been known to yell in my car when no one can hear me or yell into a pillow, which can be cathartic. As also discussed in Anger and Cancer, Part 1, some people use their anger for advocacy or for standing up for themselves (and other people) in a firm and respectful way.

This brings me to the topic of the assertiveness scale, which can be helpful to think about in our relationships with others.

The assertiveness scale starts at “passive” or “non-assertive.” This is the place where people keep their anger inside and sometimes unknowingly take it out on themselves. When people are behaving in a passive manner, they are allowing others to get their needs met at the expense of their own. For example, someone is angry/frustrated that a well-meaning loved one continually and frequently tells them that they may have done something to cause their cancer and they need to do certain things to recover from cancer. The person with the cancer diagnosis keeps their resentments inside instead of asking the person to stop. The other person gets their needs met (to have all the answers) at the expense of the person with cancer.

At the other end of the scale, is “aggressive,” where people externalize their anger and take it out on others. When people are behaving in an aggressive manner, they are getting their needs met at the expense of other people. They sometimes step on other people’s needs to get theirs met. For example, in the same situation mentioned above, they instead start yelling and swearing at the person. So they get their needs met (to let the other person know how they feel and get their anger out) while hurting the other person.

Then there is the middle of the scale, “assertive,” where people appropriately manage their anger and communicate it when necessary. When behaving assertively, you attempt to get your needs met while at the same time taking into consideration the needs of others. Using the same example as mentioned above, the person is angry, but says to the loved one, “When you say those things, I feel angry and hurt, and I’d like you to stop telling me I might have done something to cause my cancer and stop telling me what to do to cure it.”

The thing is, (as you likely already know) burying or denying anger does not make it go away. Actions and behavior that come from anger can be harmful, but anger in and of itself is just a feeling; it is not damaging. When we make room for anger and express it or communicate it in ways that don’t intentionally hurt others or ourselves, it remains just an emotion that will pass, just like every other emotion.

I will again quote Jim Butcher, who in his book White Night, writes: “Anger is just anger. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters.”

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer, Support of cancer
Categories: Managing Emotions, Mindset Shifts

Anger and Cancer, Part 1: Constructive Anger

October 8, 2012 Posted by Dawn

There are many things for people affected by cancer to be angry about: labels people use for us that we don’t like; other people’s lack of understanding about what we’re going through; the things people say to us that are insensitive or ignorant; loved ones making it harder on us at times because of their own “stuff;” and the things we are missing out on because of cancer (just to name a few).

I have been becoming more aware that the month of October, “Breast Cancer Awareness Month,” brings up anger and frustration for many people. People are shedding light on the fact that some businesses sell breast cancer awareness items without giving much or any of their profits to research. Many people with breast cancer feel that these companies are profiting off their disease. Advocates are making us aware of “Pinkwashers”: companies or organizations that claim to care about breast cancer by promoting a pink ribbon product, but at the same time produce, manufacture and/or sell products that are linked to the disease. Although these things happen year round, “Pinktober” seems to bring them to the forefront with all the pink in our faces. Even though I have not had breast cancer, I can understand the anger about these things. (See an interesting post “Before You Buy Pink” at Think Before You Pink.)

It makes sense that we feel angry when we’ve had a cancer diagnosis. Many times we feel it was unfair that we got cancer. We may feel helpless, threatened, vulnerable, or even victimized from getting cancer, which can be maddening. Some people feel angry at cancer, angry at the world or even angry at god. We have lost the life we once knew, and we can be mad that cancer took away so many things from us and changed our lives so much. Anger is normal and very common for people who’ve been affected by cancer.

I agree with novelist, Jim Butcher, who in his book White Night, writes:

“Anger is just anger. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It’s like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice.”

“Constructive anger,” the demon said, her voice dripping sarcasm.

“Also known as passion,” I said quietly. “Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.”

I thought this was an interesting take on anger, that constructive anger can be the same as passion…the using of the emotion of anger to direct us to take action toward what we really want. We can let it be a motivating factor, just as breast cancer advocates are using their anger to speak out and make a difference.

Roadblocks to Getting Help for Depression During Cancer Treatment

August 25, 2012 Posted by Dawn

If you are suffering with depression during cancer treatment, what is getting in the way of getting help? Here are a few reasons I think people don’t get help for depression:

There is a stigma around depression; people don’t want to admit to anyone that they are depressed because they think they’re the only one and they don’t want to be judged.
They don’t think anything can help or they’ve tried to get help but nothing has worked.
They don’t have money to seek treatment.
They think depression is a sign of weakness, or that it means there’s something wrong with them.
They don’t want to take medications for depression or they are afraid to go to therapy.

I’d like to address some of these reasons briefly here.

1. Yes, there is a stigma around depression. Yes, people judge. However, in my experience, I have found that more people than you can imagine have experienced depression at one time or another in their lives, and many people have experienced long-term depression. People just don’t talk about it. 25% of cancer patients/survivors have experienced a major depression, with a much higher percentage experiencing “sub-clinical” symptoms (this means they don’t meet the criteria for a full-blown major depressive episode, but it’s still there.) If you are experiencing depression during cancer treatment, you are not alone. Please don’t let stigma be a reason that you don’t get help or support.

2. There are things that will help with depression. If you’ve looked or tried things that haven’t worked, keep looking and trying. I tried several solutions before I found something that really worked for the long-term when I was experiencing depression. I know it’s hard to keep trying, but it can mean the difference between suffering more and having an easier time of it.

3. If you think you don’t have enough money to seek help, you could take another look at this belief. In terms of medication or therapy, there are clinics that are cost effective, your health insurance might pay for counseling, and some counselors have sliding fee scales or do pro-bono work (offer free services). There are a lot of options out there, for cancer survivors especially. Some cancer organizations offer free support. You may need to ask a friend or family member to help you look for resources if you don’t have a lot of energy. Allow someone to be there for you. (Boy, I’m getting bossy in this article!)

4. If depression were a sign of weakness, then that would mean there are an awful lot of weak people out there, and that I’m one of them, and I know that’s not true. The people I know who have had depression are some of the strongest people I know. (Not to brag, but I have made it through a lot of difficult stuff, so I’m not ashamed to say I am a strong person.) When you are depressed, just putting one foot in front of the other can take a lot of courage…we are not weak. As to something being “wrong” with you if you have depression, again I would beg to differ. Here are some famous people who have had depression: Sheryl Crow, Angelina Jolie, Princess Diana, Abraham Lincoln, Sir Isaac Newton, Mark Twain, Teddy Roosevelt, F. Scott Fitzgerald, John Adams, Drew Barrymore, Barbara Bush, Frederic Chopin, Charles Darwin. The list goes on and on of successful people who have experienced depression.

5. I can understand not wanting to take medications for depression, I get it. And you don’t have to…that is your choice. But medications do help a lot of people to feel better and cope with cancer treatment more easily. Cancer treatment is already hell for most people, add depression on top of that and it can be unbearable. If medication could help, it could be worth a try. There are complementary/alternative medical options as well. I know of folks who have gotten some relief from homeopathy and acupuncture, among other things. And of course I am a big believer in counseling. It helped me tremendously throughout treatment and beyond. Imagine talking to a neutral person who won’t judge you or force you to do anything you don’t want to do, who believes in you and believes you can feel better, and who can help you to learn skills and strategies that could help decrease your depression? That’s what it’s like to go to a counselor. Could that be worth a try too?

Can you think of other reasons people don’t get help for depression during cancer treatment?

Photo Credit: logos noesis via flickr

Read full article |8 Comments
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer, Support of cancer
Categories: Coping, Managing Emotions

Sometimes Swinging Is No Fun

July 13, 2012 Posted by Dawn

Swinging on a swing set.
Swinging a tennis racket, a baseball bat, or a golf club.
Swing dancing to swing music.
“Would you like to swing on a star?”
“It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing.”

Swinging usually sounds like fun. But not when it’s your mood that’s doing the swinging. Mood swings can accompany the cancer journey for many people. Author Jann Aldredge-Clanton says that people with cancer “may feel dramatic mood swings, buoyed by support of family and friends but then let down as the reality of their losses sets in.” Agreed and well-said.

I had some MAJOR mood swings when I was going through chemotherapy. I would at one point in the day be unable to get off the couch and then an hour later wonder, “What was that all about?” and feel fully functional. Then maybe the next day feel like I want to hit someone with a shovel…and then suddenly have a crying jag…and then feel fine again. AHHHHH!!! It can feel like one minute you’re holding on by a thread and should probably check yourself into a hospital and the next minute you’re happy that you’re alive and should just go bowling. Now that’s more than a bit crazy-making.

One thing that makes mood swings particularly difficult is that you feel like you have no control. It can make you feel like you’re losing your mind or there’s something “wrong” with you. Most people in our lives can have difficulty understanding mood swings because the changes can happen so quickly. They see us laughing and assume everything is fine and get confused when we burst into tears at the slightest thing.

I want to tell you that if you are having mood swings during cancer treatment, you are not alone and you are not crazy. The chemicals in our bodies have very powerful effects on our emotions. An article published by the National Comprehensive Cancer Network states that cancer treatment, including chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery, as well as cancer itself can affect the balance of chemicals in the brain and contribute to changes in behavior and mood.

Even aside from the chemicals, having mood swings when you’re going through cancer treatment actually makes sense…you’re going through so much that your emotions are all over the place. Your emotional self can’t find a place to settle.

If you are experiencing mood swings, first and foremost, please be gentle on yourself. Please don’t let your mind convince you that you are crazy. Remind yourself that it is not you, it’s the chemicals in your body that are doing this.

And for heaven’s sake, talk to someone. Tell your doctor and see if there is anything that can be done to help. Talk to people in support groups. I guarantee you will find people there who will relate to what you’re experiencing. And find a good counselor in your area. It will be worth your while. I know it was invaluable for me when I was going through treatment. Don’t feel like you have to cope with this on your own.

**Note: If your mood swings are severe and interfere with your daily living activities, please contact a health professional immediately.

Photo Credit: pixelmama via Flickr

When People Say Things That Hurt

July 2, 2012 Posted by Dawn

I have been thinking a lot lately about authenticity, being “real.” I have been striving more and more for this in my life. In his book, The Book Awakening, Mark Nepo says that when he realizes he has stopped being authentic, he has to “practice being real by saying what I feel, not just once, but continually.” I thought this was a profound statement, that for him being real and authentic involves stating what he is feeling on an ongoing basis.

Mark further writes that he has struggled with this throughout his life because it is natural to withhold what feels real in order to survive. He writes, “When someone says or does something that hurts me, I have learned to absorb the hit and pretend that nothing has changed.” I love that imagery, because it does feel like we absorb the hit in those moments when people say hurtful things. He says that doing this uses up energy, this pretending.

He goes on to say, “It is so simple and yet so brave to say that we are hurt when we are, that we are sad when we are sad, that we are scared when we are scared.” Yes, I agree, simple and brave. Simple, yet not easy to do this in the moment. Mark talks about how this “energy of realness” changes things; it prevents us from using up the energy we were using to pretend.

I always loved this book because he encourages “turning toward” feelings, acknowledging and expressing them, instead of stuffing them down. He encourages being real and authentic. Sometimes it is most helpful to express feelings privately, but other times it is most appropriate to state our feelings to another person.

The people I have the privilege of working with often talk about how insensitive others can be in regards to their cancer…their life with cancer, their feelings about cancer, their body image, etc. The people in their lives don’t get it, don’t know what to say, or sometimes just don’t care about their feelings, and say things that hurt. I think it is important to say so when this happens. I find that too often we all “absorb the hit” and pretend nothing happened, so as not to embarrass the person or make them feel badly. I don’t think this helps anyone grow. We end up expressing the hurt privately, crying in the shower, because we have no choice but to get it out of our systems, but somehow it still hurts.

I have found that when I have told someone, “When you said that, I felt hurt,” or stated that I am scared or sad or angry, many times the other person rises to the occasion and apologizes and explains what they actually meant to say. Because of being told how their words affected another person, they become better at “being there.” If the person doesn’t do that, chooses not to grow, then I still feel like I have been authentic in that moment. I find that the feeling moves through much more easily than if I “absorb the hit.”

What about you…have you “absorbed the hit” too often? How does it feel when you have stated your feelings in the moment when someone says something hurtful or insensitive?

Read full article |3 Comments
Tags: "coping with cancer", cancer, Cancer articles, Cancer blogs., cancer coping, Cancer emotional support, Cancer emotions, Cancer help, Cancer resources, Cancer support, Cancer support services, Cancer websites, Cope with cancer, Coping cancer, Coping with cancer diagnosis, Dealing with cancer, emotions and cancer, Help for people with cancer, How to cope with cancer diagnosis, Living with cancer, Support of cancer
Categories: Coping, Managing Emotions, Mindset Shifts





	First Name: Email:

clearer

Subscribe via RSS
Recent Posts
Categories
Let’s Connect
Criteria Of guaranteed payday loan The Basics Revisited
Subscribe to Updates by Email

A Blog for People Affected by Cancer–tips, strategies, and inspiration for managing the cancer journey

Category: ‘Managing Emotions’

Recent Posts

Categories

Let’s Connect

Subscribe to Updates by Email